Welcome to the Lesson #2 of your Self-Compassion course! I hope you found Lesson #1 to be useful and that you have found time to practise the recommended exercises. If you haven’t yet started them, it’s not too late and you can begin now. If you were not able to get a journal or notebook, we have another 5 lessons to go, so there is time!
In this lesson we are going to explore the ways in which you can be kind to yourself. But first let us look at the issue of “resistance” and then we will look at some of the ways in which we can be hard on ourselves and other ways in which we can be self-nurturing.
If this is your first time working on compassion for yourself or on connecting with the child inside, or if there are deep-rooted issues that you may not even be aware of, you may have felt some resistance or found it difficult to do the exercises in Lesson #1. Please know that this is not uncommon and it is important for you to allow the resistance, but also to forge ahead, provided it is not making you feel overwhelmed.
It may be that you had a normal childhood but life experiences later on eroded your self-worth and self-love, or it could be that your childhood was void of compassion or you had parental (authoritative figures in your life) messages that said you weren’t lovable. Or it could even be as simple as being told loving yourself is egotistical and “new-agey”. Whatever the reason, most people feel strong resistance, sometimes embarrassment, when doing these exercises for the first time.
Please don’t be discouraged if this happens. This is not an overnight process. It can take years to explore, understand, transform and heal some of the underlying issues. This course is only the beginning of a life-long journey of healing. The fact that you are doing it is excellent and admirable. Please don’t give up if you sense resistance.
Now let’s continue with Lesson #2.
These are some of the ways in which people can be hard on themselves. They are being shared so that you can be more in awareness of when or if this is happening. If you do find that any of these apply, please do not beat yourself up. These are lifelong practices that will take time to work through and to heal.
- Comparing yourself with others
- Not being able to say “no”
- Harshly criticising yourself
- Not asking for help when you need it
- Constant negative self-talk
- Blaming yourself, feeling ashamed or guilty
- Overeating or binge eating
- Eating unhealthy foods
- Feeling responsible for the reactions of others
- Needing to be perfect
- Self-sabotaging
- Neglecting your body
You may already be practising many of these but if not, challenge yourself to incorporate as many as you can into your daily life. They are just a few of the ways in which you can be kind to yourself and self-nurturing.
- Saying to yourself the things that you would say to a dear friend
- Listening to soothing and uplifting music
- Asking for help
- Saying “no” and establishing and maintaining other boundaries
- Forgiving yourself
- Spending time in nature
- Being kind in your thoughts
- Being okay with accepting
- Eating healthily
- Journaling
- Finding time for yourself
- Playing with a pet
- Allowing yourself to feel, to cry, to grieve
- Complimenting yourself
- Loving and honouring your body
Your exercise for this lesson is a continuation and expansion of the last. You are to write to yourself, using your journal if you have one. (This is better than using loose paper, which can end up getting lost.) Write every day. You can write whatever comes to you. It could be things people have told you about yourself. Qualities you recognise in yourself. Soothing statements to yourself: things you would say to a dear friend. Be open and see what comes to you – provided it is nurturing and you aren’t being hard on yourself. The goal is for you to begin to feel comfortable with hearing yourself use kind, loving, comforting statements and to practice being gentle and reassuring in your tone.
If you are a member of an online forum or group, you can take this one step further and add one of these statements to your posts. For example, “I woke up feeling terrible today and completely fed up……. I am giving myself permission to be okay with this and I will remember that every single day, somehow, I am finding immense strength and courage to keep going.”
The following songs are nurturing. They will help you in finding the right words and energy to do your exercises. As part of your homework, please listen to these songs at least once daily. If you feel resistance or any other strong or unwanted emotion, that’s okay. The more you listen, the more they will begin to resonate. They truly are powerful.
