There are many excellent concepts, approaches and techniques available online for coping with illness, adverse situations, and life in general. But no one size fits all. Humans are biochemically different and emotionally unique. Benefits are varied and in some cases, very limited or non-existent.
With so many choices, information overload can become a problem and any failed anticipated outcome can cause frustration. The realisation that this process cannot be controlled or accelerated hits home. Witnessing this made me consider the idea of focusing on approaches that would help with acceptance and self-care while waiting. If those were the only two things people were able to practise, it would be enough to get them through this experience and to recovery.
Based on feedback I was receiving and my research and observations during my first decade of supporting people affected by prescribed drug dependence and withdrawal, I was able to confirm that the approaches that have been most useful and would fit the criteria are:
1) being accepting of whatever is taking place: not resisting, resenting, struggling against, or being impatient with and critical of one’s body and the unfolding process, and
2) being proactive in treating one’s self gently, with kindness and care, and taking necessary action (healthy eating, addressing deficiencies, gut health, etc., and using mindfulness, grounding, neuroplasticity exercises, and other coping tools).
The withdrawal reactions that people coming off tranquillisers, opioids and antidepressants face can present many difficulties and one is that there are no quick fixes and in order to heal the time required has to be allowed. For many people this can be frustrating and not being able to control the process can make them resistant and overwhelmed. This is why mindfulness and self-compassion can be beneficial.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a state of being in awareness and paying attention to the present moment without judgement and with acceptance. One notices what is happening and responds through choice rather than being driven by habitual reactions (Kabat-Zinn J, 2004; Burch V, 2008). It is an approach that focuses first on improving functioning as opposed to eliminating or controlling symptoms (Graham et al., 2017). Using a mindfulness-based approach is not solely about meditating, as some believe. It is a way of life.
The Second Arrow: Secondary Suffering
Without acceptance, this healing process becomes doubly problematic. People experience what is known as the second arrow or two arrow effect:
As explained by the Buddha:
“In life, we can’t always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. The second arrow is optional.”
It is not that we ask you to deny or pretend the first arrow – the pain or primary suffering – does not exist. You notice it and you acknowledge how it is affecting you. You validate your feelings. You see it as a necessary part of and path to healing, not judging it as good or bad. When you become resistant and angry about that first arrow, the second arrow comes straight at you and the primary suffering then becomes primary AND secondary suffering, compounding the demand on an already compromised nervous system and making coping doubly problematic. Fighting what is, only adds to the distress. This is what we convey here and why we share with you this alternative approach.
Compassion for Self
Compassion, as defined by Gilbert (2009), is a basic kindness and deep awareness of suffering and the desire and effort to relieve it. Self‐compassion is related to increased well‐being (Zessin et al., 2015) and buffers the negative impact of stress (Allen & Leary, 2010). As with mindfulness, a non-condemning, non-judgemental approach to the suffering is required (Dalai Lama, 1995). We acknowledge and engage with difficult situations and feelings without resisting, struggling against or denying/suppressing what is happening.
When healing from an experience like withdrawal, being compassionate towards one’s self is extremely important. People describe feeling “beaten up” by the myriad of symptoms and what often happens is that they become resistant, critical of their bodies, impatient with the process and are hard on themselves, in their thoughts and what they choose to believe about their situation. This, of course, compounds matters.
A compassionate approach to care does not mean being passive or not taking action; it is quite the opposite. One observes the suffering, accepts its presence with gentleness and kindness, and is then proactive in finding the best ways to cope and nurture one’s self, or alleviate the suffering if possible.
Compassion for Others
The ability to self-soothe and to self-nurture can make a significant positive difference not just during difficult times, but for maintaining wellness and well-being. Further, the ability to extend compassion to others enhances one’s own feeling of compassion towards the self. Being capable of tolerating your own difficulties without judgement or resistance and with care and compassion results in feelings of profound empathy and compassion for others who are also suffering. Reaching out, validating someone’s experience, troubleshooting and signposting… are just some of the ways in which compassion can be conveyed.
Compassion for self and others can reduce stress and lead to a greater sense of wellbeing and happiness (Jinpa T, 2015). There are many benefits and this is why we encourage our visitors to be gentle and kind to themselves and to others, to be proactive, and to make good use of coping tools. This website offers you the opportunity to incorporate mindfulness and compassion-based approaches into your daily regimen. We hope you will continue to visit and to benefit from the resources here.
If you are interested in existing research on the use of mindfulness and compassion, please visit our Research section.
Thank you,
References:
Allen, Ashley & Leary, Mark. (2010). Self-Compassion, Stress, and Coping. Social and personality psycholog compass. 4. 107-118.urch V (2008). Living Well with Pain and Illness: The Mindful Way to Free Yourself from Suffering. Piatkus, London.
Dalai Lama. The Power of Compassion. India: HarperCollins. 1995.
Gilbert, P (2009). The compassionate mind: A new approach to life’s challenges. Constable & Robinson.
Graham, CD, Stuart, S, O’Hara, D, Kemp, S. Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to Improve Outcomes in Functional Movement Disorders: A Case Study. Clinical Case Studies, 2017;16(5):401-416.
Jinpa T (2015). A Fearless Heart. Why compassion is the key to greater well-being. London: Little Brown.
Kabat-Zinn J (2004). Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life. Piatkus, London.
Zessin U, Dickhäuser O, Garbade S. The Relationship Between Self-Compassion and Well-Being: A Meta-Analysis. Appl Psychol Health Well Being. 2015 Nov;7(3):340-64.
