A Note for the Days That Hurt Most
There are moments during this healing process when everything feels impossibly heavy. The fear, the disconnection, the aching for your old self… it can feel like a tidal wave crashing through every part of your being. You want to feel better, to feel anything at all. And when even that isn’t possible, it can leave you asking the same question again and again: Will I ever be okay?
Yes. You will.
But healing doesn’t come faster by fighting the symptoms. It doesn’t respond to bargaining, forcing, or pleading for a different reality. I know it is tempting to believe that if you could just feel acceptance, or distract yourself more successfully, do something… or “snap out of it”… the intensity might pass more quickly. But that isn’t how healing works.
Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is admit: I can’t accept this.
And then… allow that to be true.
You don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to fake peace. You only need to stop fighting your inability to feel better. That’s all.
Allow what is, even if that “what is” includes fear, numbness, weeping, confusion, sadness, or a complete absence of emotion. Allow the wave, even when it roars. Allow your resistance, even when it flares. That is what allowing really means: not that you feel calm, but that you stop demanding you must.
This is the most radical act of self-compassion.
This is peace… not the absence of pain, but the absence of struggle with the pain.
And you will not always feel like this. You are not broken. The part of you that felt joy, connection, and aliveness is still there… just temporarily out of reach while your nervous system works to restore balance. This is not forever. You are not lost. You are healing and will eventually put this behind you and celebrate your healing.
Even on the days when you are getting through minute by minute, breath by breath, you are healing. Quietly. Steadily. Deeply.
Do what you can to care for yourself, to be proactive within your activity threshold, to make it through each day. But the most important thing is to let the storm be what it is. Let yourself be as you are. And trust that the sun is still shining behind those clouds, even when you can’t feel its warmth.
With compassion and unwavering belief in your healing,
Baylissa