The following tips are taken from the Recovery and Renewal Book. It is important guidance that I want to share with you here too. These tips, if adhered to, will help you to cope better, provide the required support and not become fatigued.

The recovery process can take a long time in the worst protracted cases (years rather than weeks or months) and it can take its toll on the person giving support.

• Learn more about withdrawal and what it entails: The more knowledgeable you are about withdrawal, the better prepared you will be to cope with its stages and idiosyncrasies. You will find that you are more understanding and accepting of the person’s experience and will be well equipped to give the support needed.
• Give unconditionally: You may have your own ideas regarding how withdrawal should be dealt with and what coping strategies and treatment are appropriate. As much as you may be able to empathize, you will not know what the person is going through. Resist suggesting visits to psychiatrists, accelerating or slowing tapers, reinstating the drug, querying other diagnoses such as chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), multiple sclerosis (MS), lupus, depression, fibromyalgia, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) or a mental breakdown and allow the time and space required to heal. Leave it up to him or her to direct you and say what is needed.
• Withhold judgement: The true effects of antidepressants, sleeping pills and other benzo tranquillisers are understated and many people find it difficult to accept that taking a legally prescribed drug could result in such adverse reactions. Try to be open and not make judgements based on assumptions or what you perceive to be credible. Even many well-intentioned medics are unaware and uneducated about the full repercussions of this type of dependency and withdrawal.
• Release expectations: Appreciate that you have no control over the recovery process so that you don’t feel responsible or pressured. The withdrawal experience is unique and unpredictable; you may have to provide support for a much longer period than anticipated.
• Give practical support: The person you are caring for may be in severe discomfort and feeling extremely lethargic and depleted of energy. Mowing the lawn, cooking, cleaning, shopping and attending to the children can seem like insurmountable tasks during withdrawal. (Parents with young children can have an exceptionally difficult time coping with demands.) Also, for those with intense symptoms, any form of exertion can cause flare-ups. Offering to help with practical matters will make a remarkable difference.
• Don’t suggest ‘snapping out of it’ or ‘pulling oneself together’. Don’t suggest going back to work or volunteering, especially if symptoms are still severe. Don’t tell him or her to stop crying, stop being angry or feeling whatever emotion is present. Don’t say other people are worse off. Don’t ignore the person’s distress or pretend that withdrawal is not happening.
• Listen actively: Withdrawal can be overwhelming and the person may be feeling traumatized. Talking is therapeutic and some people feel a need to talk about their experience. Follow his or her cues: if you can, listen actively (without judgement or preconception) as feelings and concerns are shared; at other times space or companionable silence may be all that is needed. Remember too, that non-verbal communication can be powerful and your warmth, acceptance, expressions and body language are even more important than your words.
• Don’t take things personally: If the person you are caring for is agitated or becomes angry and overly-sensitive, try not to take it personally. The effects of withdrawal can cause mood swings, organic fear, paranoia and a host of other psychological symptoms. Understanding that these reactions are normal will allow you to accept them for what they are while you continue to give your support.
• Look after yourself well: Eat healthily, exercise regularly, maintain your hobbies, and get the rest and relaxation you need. Set limits and commit to what is realistic, rather than feel obligated to deliver on promises you are unable to keep as this will drain you even more. If possible, arrange a respite or back-up person who is reliable and trustworthy so that you can take regular breaks.
• Get emotional support: Caring for someone in withdrawal can be mentally draining so you need to ensure that you take care of your own emotional needs and receive adequate support at this time. It is also important that you have a trusted friend or relative to discuss your fears, needs and feelings with. If you become emotionally drained and fatigued you will have nothing left to give.
• Reassure, reassure, reassure: More than anything, someone experiencing withdrawal needs reassurance. Persistent, intense symptoms can cause doubt and increased anxiety. You will need to keep encouraging and reassuring your loved one that recovery is taking place. Hope is one of the most valuable coping tools and your attitude can make a big difference.
• Keep in touch: Keep in contact even when it seems the person has recovered. Withdrawal symptoms often come in ‘waves’ and you may mistake a period during which the symptoms temporarily subside to mean that recovery has been achieved. Many people are devastated when the symptoms resurface and this is when you may be needed the most.

By giving adequate and appropriate support you are making a valuable positive difference to your loved one’s withdrawal experience. Your contribution can be one of the most important factors in determining how well she or he copes, and will always be very much appreciated.