Thank you for choosing to do this six-lesson Self-Compassion course. It will be effective if you are someone who is trying to validate and nurture yourself and the part of your psyche that is regarded as your inner child. I hope that you will be able to use the course material as guided, and that you will benefit greatly from it.
This course will be particularly useful to you if:
– you want to be loving towards yourself, including when you are feeling difficult emotions or physical pain,
– you want to be tolerant and accepting of your flaws and imperfections,
– you want to be gentle with yourself and motivate yourself with encouragement, rather than criticize yourself or dwell on your perceived mistakes,
– you want to stop being so hard on yourself. You want to overcome feelings of inadequacy and guilt… of feeling that you aren’t “doing it right” or that you are a failure,
– you want to be understanding and patient with yourself and with any aspects of your personality that you may not like,
– you want to be kind to yourself when times are difficult and when you are experiencing suffering,
– and you want to transform difficult relationships through your compassion for yourself and by tapping in to your ability to nurture yourself.
This is a six-lesson course. Please go at a pace that feels right for you and is manageable. You will need the time to allow any feelings or emotional charges that might emerge or get triggered to be processed. Because you are in withdrawal, you may be extremely sensitive and fragile and so you must look after yourself well.
You will be learning new ideas and concepts that can be used in a healing, positive way, but it can be a delicate journey and so it is important for you to move through the lessons in your own time, to be grounded, and most importantly, to be emotionally safe.
There may be times when unpleasant memories and feelings surface. If this becomes problematic or overwhelming for you, please postpone doing this course and wait until you are well enough (if you are experiencing withdrawal) before continuing.
I suggest getting an attractive journal or notebook that you can use to jot down your thoughts, emotions and ideas to help in your transformational journey. A journal will also be useful for the writing exercises. I do believe that after completing this course it is highly likely that you will have become an expert at nurturing yourself!
Self–Compassion is the act of extending compassion to yourself in times of suffering or when you feel inadequate or that you have failed. Kristin Neff, creator of the Mindful Self-Compassion Program, has identified three main components to self-compassion: 1) self-kindness as opposed to self-judgment, 2) knowing that suffering is a human experience and does not just happen to you and 3) observing and being mindfully aware of your thoughts and emotions.
For the purpose of this course and based on my own use of self-compassion work with my domestic violence and rape and sexual abuse clients, I have added what I believe underlies all other components, and this is the nurturing of the child within or the vulnerable child – the most powerful part of our psyche – the part that takes over when we suffer, feel inadequate or like a failure.
When we speak of the inner child, people often think of it as a “new age” concept or as something mystical. The reality is that we all still have the child that we once were, deep inside us, but as we get older we tend to lose our awareness of this connection.
The concept of the inner child represents the aspect of our psyche that retains the feelings we experienced in childhood – which can range from normal everyday playfulness, wonder, joy, sensitivity and innocence to trauma, hurt, anger and fears.
As adults we are encouraged to “grow up” and to ignore this part of us. We lose the connection, not realising that the child needs to be attended to and nurtured.
Healthy adulthood involves acknowledging, accepting, being responsible for loving and re-parenting this beloved little boy or girl who may have at times been rejected, shouted at, physically or emotionally abused, neglected and abandoned. Even if your childhood was safe, relatively good, and you were loved and nurtured, your inner child needs this to be sustained with love and attention, through all your adult years.
In this podcast I welcome you to the course and talk about your core or essence, what your vulnerable child is, and how it is affected.
Please practice these two exercises throughout the week (as your homework!):
Becoming aware of your internal dialogue and reframing
Part 1. This course starts simply and gently, with you beginning to be in awareness of your inner dialogue and your inner critic. This is the first step to making the connection.
You may find it useful to use your journal for this exercise. What you will need to do is notice when you are being hard on yourself. If you find that you are beating yourself up, think of what you have been saying to yourself and see if the voice reminds you of a parent, teacher or other authority figure, or someone with whom you have or had a relationship. Note the critical voice and what it says: “Pull yourself together.” “Don’t be a scaredy cat.” “Snap out of it.” “I am such a wimp”
Part 2. The next step will be to gently and without blaming or judging yourself, take those critical statements and reframe them. For example, a friend or family member says to you:
“Why don’t you pull yourself together and think about getting a job?” and your response was to think “He’s right. I’m a weakling. Maybe I’m just being lazy and I can do better.”
You would notice this and then imagine that you are your dearest, dearest friend. What would you say to yourself?
“My darling, you have been remarkably strong and courageous through all of this. You are patient, accepting and resilient beyond measure. You do not need anyone’s validation but your own, and I am very proud of you. ”
This is just a brief example, but you can elaborate and tell yourself as many compassionate and encouraging things as you feel like. You can write these statements in your journal and write and write and write – as many as come to mind. Take your time and make it as positive an experience as possible.
