Boundaries are terms and conditions you put in place to establish limits that benefit and protect you and the people you interact with. Having boundaries is not being selfish or self-indulgent. It keeps both you, and anyone you extend these boundaries to, safe. It allows you to take care of yourself and to avoid being drawn into potentially difficult and threatening situations.
Your boundaries may be different to other people’s, but that’s okay. Only you can truly know how much you can cope with at this time. It’s okay to say “no”, especially on the days when signs of healing are intense and you feel drained of both physical and mental energy.
It’s okay to limit the time you devote to someone who demands your attention, on the days when you just can’t give it fully. It’s okay to choose to not engage in conversations that make you feel uncomfortable and to stay away from unnecessary drama.
You deserve your own safe space and to exercise your right to choose who and what you allow in it. Even if you are misunderstood or challenged, it is important to be unyielding. You may find yourself being tested – boundaries pushed, and demands you are not comfortable with being made. That is expected and okay. Just don’t relent. Remember it is not only okay to say “no”, it is necessary if whatever is asked of you could cause further harm.
Of course, compromise is good. Withdrawal blesses us with deep empathy and compassion. But be aware, discerning, and as cautious as you can be, especially in situations where you have never met someone. Depending on how you are affected, this healing process can make you vulnerable, open, and receptive to the demands and distress of others, some of whom are equally vulnerable.
So, as you interact online and at home, protect yourself. You don’t need to justify or explain the reasons for your boundaries. Without being insensitive and uncaring, you can gently but firmly establish and maintain them, as you continue to take care of yourself. No one is more worthy of your nurturing and protection than you are. Be safe.
With much compassion,
